


Memory

by destieldrabblesdaily



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 23:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2485775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destieldrabblesdaily/pseuds/destieldrabblesdaily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Cas hits his head and loses his memories, Dean has to be the patient boyfriend who tries to help him recover. But needless to say, it's pure torture when the love of your life doesn't even remember who you are...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

Dean didn’t like it, the peculiar way in which Cas was looking at him every so often from the other side of the couch. Looking at him with some kind of misplaced  _awe_. Looking at him with the kind of adoration that was all  _wrong_. As if Dean was a real  _catch_. As if Cas had just now won some sort of prize, and was lucky enough to be here with Dean, even though it was  _their_  apartment.  _Their_  home, that they’d bought  _together_.

Normally, Dean felt flattered when Cas looked at him like that, but it was different now. Different, because Cas didn’t even remember him. Didn’t remember anything, including his feelings for Dean. There was no question that he only stared at Dean in that manner because he thought that Dean was  _good-looking_ , not because he actually cared about Dean.

“I’m sorry, Dean… I’m afraid none of these pictures bring back any memories.” Cas sighed and closed the heavy photo album in his lap, glancing up at Dean to once again give him  _that_   _look_  that made Dean nauseous.

Dean’s heart throbbed painfully in sheer disappointment, but he tried to hide it, not wanting to upset Cas.

“It’s fine, ba- I mean,  _Cas_. It’s totally fine.” Dean assured, hastily correcting himself when the term of endearment that he usually used on Cas nearly slipped out. “The doctor said it might take a while for your memories to come back, Rome wasn’t built in a day.”

Castiel smiled meekly, his eyes betraying that he felt guilty, even though none of this was Cas’ fault.

It was no one’s fault really, it had been a stupid accident. Castiel had slipped in the shower and hit his head, hard. Dean’s relief when the doctor had told him that Cas was going to be alright had been immense. However what Dean hadn’t been prepared for, was the moment when Cas had regained consciousness and had asked Dean “ _Who are you?_ ”

After three days of staying at the hospital, Cas was finally home again. But now everything felt awkward, and Dean wasn’t sure how to handle it. He had missed Castiel deeply, but now that Cas was here, he didn’t know how to act. He wanted to  _kiss_  Cas. Wanted to tell Cas that he loved him, and how much he had missed him. He wanted to hold Cas close and never let him go…

But none of that seemed quite acceptable when Castiel didn’t even know who Dean was. All Cas knew was the stuff that Dean had told him, and nothing more. They had gone through pictures of them and both their families for hours to try and trigger some memories, but to no avail.

“I think I’m going to get some rest, Dean. It seems that these pain meds are making me tired.” Cas muttered, smiling apologetically as he got up from the couch.

Dean nodded in understanding, noticing the dark circles under Castiel’s eyes. “Of course… Why don’t you take  _our_  bed, and I’ll take the bed in the spare room.”

Cas tilted his head to show his confusion. “Why would you do that? We’ve been together for six years, correct? Wait… Does our relationship have…  _Issues_? Do we often sleep separately?”

The weirdness of the entire situation made Dean laugh briefly, even though he was nowhere near amused.

“We  _do_  have issues, don’t we?” Cas asked, seeming mortified.

Dean quickly shook his head. “No, baby, we don’t- I mean,  _Cas_. We don’t have issues. I love- I mean, we’re very happy together. I was just offering because I thought maybe you wouldn’t be too keen on sharing a bed with a guy you don’t even remember.”

Saying that last part was hurting Dean severely, but he kept his face neutral for Cas’ sake.

“I see… I don’t mind sharing the bed like we always do, Dean.  _I trust you_.” Cas said, his blue eyes so wide and genuine that it made Dean melt despite himself. “Besides, the doctor claimed that my memories could return sooner if I go back to my  _normal_  routine.”

“Alright, then… Sharing it is.” Dean replied after a short silence, not sure how to feel about it, but allowing it all the same because it was what Cas preferred. “You go to sleep, okay? I’ll watch some TV and join you in a bit. It’s only nine, and I’m not much of a fan of going to bed early.”

“Oh…” Castiel paused in the doorway. “Am  _I_? I mean, do I usually go to bed early?”

Dean chuckled at the puzzled frown on Cas’ forehead. “When you’re not drugged due to pain meds? Nah.”

That earned Dean a very real smile from Cas, one that seemed a bit more familiar than the other ones he’d gotten out of boyfriend so far.

“Good night, Dean.” Cas said pleasantly before he turned around and disappeared down the hallway.

“ _Night, Cas_.” Dean whispered back wistfully once Castiel was out of hearing range.

~

Mary pushed a steaming mug of coffee in Dean’s direction as she joined him at the kitchen table, smiling sympathetically at her oldest son. Sometimes, Dean was thankful that he and Cas had decided to stay in their hometown, their apartment only a ten minute drive away from where Dean’s parents lived. Dean had been dying to talk to someone, and instead of watching TV, he’d decided to pay his parents a surprise visit. John was working late, but seeing as Dean’s dad was never one for the touchy-feely stuff, Dean was kind of glad that he had this opportunity to talk to his mom alone.

The Winchester house was always warm and welcoming, and Dean felt oddly more at ease now that he was here in this cozy kitchen, in the familiar house where he’d grown up.

“What if his memories never come back? What if this doctor is talking out of his ass?” Dean voiced his worries after he had taken a small sip of his coffee. “I miss him! It’s like he’s there, but he  _isn’t_.”

“Dean… You have to give it some time. The doctor said there’s a ninety percent chance that his memories _will_  return, so you have to have some  _faith_.” She said calmly, placing a hand over one of Dean’s and gently squeezing it.

“But what if some things come back and others don’t? What if he will never remember that he… That he _loves me_? I want to kiss him, and be with him, but all of the sudden, it’s  _just me_  who feels that way. It  _hurts_ , mom.” Dean spilled his guts without thinking, desperate to get it out after days of fretting.

“Oh, sweetie.” She sighed, her thumb soothingly rubbing the back of Dean’s hand. “Look, it may sound awfully cheesy, but if you ask me, Cas and you were pretty much  _programmed_  to love each other.”

Dean snorted skeptically. “Right…”

“Yes.” Mary said firmly, sounding very sure of herself, giving Dean the stern look that she used to give him whenever he misbehaved back when he was a kid. “I’m confident that Cas will have his memories back, but even if he doesn’t… You guys can make  _new_  memories. Because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that even if Cas never remembers, it won’t take long for him to fall in love with you all over again.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but Mary gave him a knowing smile, the kind of smile that had reassured Dean so often in the past.

“How can you know?” Dean asked, still filled with doubts.

Mary shrugged, her smile never wavering. “Easy… Moms know  _everything._ ”

~

Watching Cas sleep was nothing out of the ordinary for Dean. It was something he did from time to time when he couldn’t sleep. Except this time, he felt like he was invading Cas’ privacy. He felt like he was doing something  _forbidden_.

As soon as Dean had gotten home, he had cautiously joined an already sleeping Cas. But sleep was avoiding Dean tonight, his head so full of dark thoughts and worries.

A small beam of moonlight that had wrestled its way through the half opened curtains faintly illuminated Cas’ face. Dean wanted to  _touch_  that gorgeous face, and normally he would have, but right now he felt like he only had the right to marvel at Cas’ beauty from afar.

“I miss you, Cas.” He mumbled. “And I  _love you_ … Please just love me  _too_.”

A lot of time passed before Dean at last slipped into a restless sleep…

~

The next morning, Dean was feeling more optimistic. He’d had time to let his mother’s words sink in, and he had to admit that she’d been right to some degree. Cas had only been home for a day, and Dean just needed to give him some time. At least Castiel was still  _alive_ , still  _healthy_ , and compared to how this  _could_ have ended, Cas’ amnesia was not the end of the world. Dean could be patient. Meanwhile, he would make sure to do his best to make Cas feel at home. 

He got up early, quietly leaving the bedroom, making sure to not wake up a still sleeping Castiel. He whistled a tune as he made his way to the kitchen. He started breakfast, enjoying the sunlight that was streaming in through the window over the sink in large amounts. He turned on the radio, enthusiastically singing along to every song that he recognized as he worked on his bacon, eggs and toast.

He was about to make some coffee, when he laughed at the next song that came on. His light mood made it impossible for Dean to resist signing along.

_“I’m too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan…”_

He had to keep in his smirk as he flipped the bacon over.

_“And I’m, too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party…”_

“Dean…”

Dean dropped his spatula, freezing in the middle of his private concert at the sudden sound of Cas’ voice. He jerked around, seeing that Cas was standing in the doorway, watching him with a baffled expression.

“Dammit.” Dean cursed under his breath, his cheeks growing hot.

He was already thinking of a good explanation, when Cas softly whispered “You…”

“Me?” Dean repeated unsurely, cocking an eyebrow to encourage Cas to keep talking.

“You, in the kitchen… Making breakfast… Singing along to the radio… Really off key.” Cas hesitantly summarized the situation with a thoughtful look on his face.

Dean picked up the spatula, and his hands absently started fumbling with it. He was not at all getting where Castiel was going with this.

“Yeah, Cas… This is me, in the kitchen, making breakfast while singing really off key.” He confirmed dryly; as if this wasn’t already embarrassing enough.

“Yes!” Cas exclaimed excitedly, a grin tugging at his chapped lips. “You do that a lot… Singing while making breakfast. You’re so bad at it, but I like to hear it anyway. I always love to hear you sing when I wake up because it means… It means you’re in a happy mood.”

Dean could literally feel his own jaw drop when Cas stepped closer to him, his blue eyes locked with Dean’s. Castiel kept shuffling towards Dean until they were practically chest to chest.

“ _I love you_. And you love me.” Cas declared, sounding rather surprised himself.

Dean shivered at the words, his eyes stinging with unshed tears, but he managed to keep it together. For Cas,  _anything_  for Cas. And then Castiel tentatively wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and buried his face against Dean’s neck with a relieved sigh.

“We met at your uncle Bobby’s garage… I brought in my car, and you were working there, all covered in grease. Your brother Sam eventually pushed us into a date because we were both too shy to take the first step… I love burgers… But I hate cauliflower. Then again, everyone hates cauliflower… Except for my sister Anna, she likes it…”

Castiel was endlessly babbling against Dean’s shoulder, and Dean simply held him tight. He didn’t dare to interrupt, nor did he want to. Instead he kissed the top of Cas’ head as he let his boyfriend ramble, silently mouthing  _‘I love you too’_  against Castiel’s hair.

**Author's Note:**

> For more Destiel stories, follow destieldrabblesdaily.tumblr.com


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